Cats tend to take to one person and ignore everyone else. My cat usually has a 7-10 day period where she rejects people and then eventually gets over it if we’re moving in somewhere, staying somewhere for an extended amount of time or if someone is moving in with us for a while or visit.

For a long time, Ninja didn’t really care for Dave. She wasn’t sure if he was around to stay or not and figured since I loved her it didn’t matter what she did or if she bothered giving him the time of day. But it kind of bothered my husband Dave. Once he saw the great things cats have to offer as companion pets, he became a bit jealous of her sleeping on me at night and never him.

So he started taking part care of her too. Originally I was doing everything… feeding, watering, treating, training, cuddling, playing, litterbox cleaning (which he still has never done… apparently that does nothing for bonds, haha, kidding) and more.

He began treating her, training her and had so much fun with it that when I went out town for a while, I came back to the new BFF’s of the house!

So if your spouse is having a hard time getting in on all the fun of your relationship with your cat, let them in on it by taking part. Of course, training them something it the ultimate bond building experience. It’s incorporating treats with praise, along with mental stimulation which every living creature needs.

Photo by Jamieleigh
Location: Moab, UT
My cat Ninja outside on a road trip, playing in the dirt

I consider my pets as family members. Sadly, most live relatively short lives. When I lose one, I take the loss as hard as I do a family member or a dear friend.

Last year, I lost my beloved Chaz, my 14 year old cat. He was born on my daughters legs after his mother jumped into her lap during labor. The new kitten started tumbling toward the floor and my daughter caught him just before he hit, saving him from injury. He didn’t seem phased at all by the awkward way he came into this world and grew to be the perfect companion.

Chaz was one of those ragdoll cats that was comfortable being held in any position, at any time. Most of his life he tried to put forth a tough guy image that was offset by his tiny squeak of a voice. It kind of reminded us of Mike Tyson, and it always made us laugh. He loved cuddle time, and usually slept with his arms stretched over my head and his little chin resting on the bridge of my nose. In fact, after his passing, I found it difficult to sleep without his warm body suffocating me.

He had been suffering from what appeared to be upper respiratory problems for several months. The vet was trying unsuccessfully to get it under control, but aside from a stuffy nose he didn’t seem to be suffering to any great degree, and we simply continued our efforts to get on top of the infection.

We decided to have some dental work done, as this could be contributing to his condition – a good cleaning and the removal of one bad tooth, for which he needed anesthesia. The next day when I came home from work, I found him wheezing and his breathing labored. I stayed up most of the night to watch him and hurried him into the vet the next morning. His condition had worsened by then.

He was x-rayed and we could see that tumors of some sort had formed in his lungs and that the anesthesia from the surgery must have aggravated his already stressed respiratory system. I held out hope that he could be saved and perhaps live a couple more years. It was impossible to determine the nature of the tumors by x-ray and we proceeded with guess work. Medication that was unavailable in the clinic had to be special ordered and we were uncertain if it would be effective. It would be a few days before we could begin to try and treat him, and all we could do was make him comfortable until it arrived.

I kept him at the vet’s office on oxygen while I was at work and took him home at night. On the third day, his condition had deteriorated to a degree that I felt his suffering had to come to an end. I made the decision to euthanize him. Even though I knew it was the right thing to do, the weight of that decision was nearly unbearable.
I went home that night with an empty carrier, curled into a ball and cried myself to sleep. I cried all day the next day and the day after that. I think one of the hardest parts in coping with my cat’s death was being aware of how unsympathetic some people were in not understanding why I was crippled with grief. Some people just don’t get it, and I feel sorry for them. They have obviously never known to love, and be loved, by an animal. Their loss is greater than mine.

Everyone grieves in their own way. Some people fall apart, like I did. Others put on a brave face and go on. Whatever way you choose to express your pain, know that it is acceptable. Animals of any kind occupy a meaningful place in your heart and suffering following their loss is to be expected.

I am glad that I had the presence of mind to make the proper arrangements for my cat before I left the clinic that day. Since I had just spent a few thousands dollars on his care before he died, I was no longer able to afford a necropsy to determine what exactly was wrong with his lungs. I have known my vets for a long time and encouraged them to have a look inside him so that, at the very least, knowledge could be gained from his death. They did, eagerly, and found that his lungs were damaged beyond any hope for repair. I felt better about my decision to euthanize him. Following their exploration, I had him cremated. He is resting about 5 feet away from me right now.

To make yourself feel better, you might consider planting a tree or a pretty flowering bush in your yard in honor of your cat. Donating supplies to local shelters always makes me feel good. And when you’re ready, there is no short supply of precious kittens needing a good home.

Photo provided by Tara McGugin

My cat’s first experience with a toddler was very negative for her so when my friends came to visit with their son, Xander, I didn’t even think about my cat’s stress level going through the roof. Xander is the sweetest toddler you’ll ever meet and super well behaved. He has a small dog as a pet, a cockatoo parrot and a cat of his own. His parents showed him how he was supposed to treat animals and he is a very affectionate boy.

When he saw Ninja, he was dying to love on her (and I mean really love on her and not hurt her like some kids might accidentally do) but Ninja was very untrusting and hissed, growled, and swatted at poor Xander. It took me a little while to realize she assumed EVERY toddler was going to be mean to her after the first one.

I had to seriously stand back and look at the situation and just how much it had affected her. I don’t think I realized to what level until now.

Animals hold those “first impressions” against you, and whether a toddler hits and kicks your cat or a man with a baseball cap does the same thing, the cat will remember it and anyone resembling that first mean person is going to get a rude disliking from the cat.

But there’s good news too, as you can work through it and make it better which is good for everyone including your cat. I don’t want Ninja getting to a stressing point every time she sees a 16 month old.

Tips for emotionally conditioning your cat to like things it had a bad past experience with:

• Every time Ninja sees a toddler, I cue a different behavior from her and give her a treat. This will teach her with repetition that when a toddler comes around, she will more often than not get a treat and in tune, will result in happy feelings.
• When a toddler comes to visit, I let them (if they’re willing) put out her food and give her treats. This associates the kid with good things.
• I also try to keep her around as many well behaved toddlers as I can that are use to having pets they could hurt if they tried but know the boundaries of not to. This helps Ninja realize not all kids are bad, nor are they all going to hurt her.

For those of you that haven’t already seen this amazing story of the crow and kitten, here is a clip to give you a look at what animals are capable of… even when it comes to natural predator and prey. Thank you, Sandy, for reminding me of this story with your kind comments!

I was married very young, and one of the BEST things someone did for me was buy me the book by Gary Chapman called the Five Love Languages. It explained SO much for me and my spouse, and it wasn’t until about a year ago that I realized it related to my parrots, too. And when I began training my cat, I knew it applied to her too, and ALL cats, for that matter.

Many people push their love language onto their animals, like you do with other humans. And like other humans, the animal doesn’t always appreciate your actions even if your heart is in the right place.

The 5 love languages of cats are the same as with humans, but they apply a little differently…

1. Physical touch (petting, cuddling)
2. Quality time (spending time hanging out together, playing, walking, etc.)
3. Words of affirmation (giving praise)
4. Acts of service (cleaning the litterbox, letting your cat out when it wants, carrying it from place to place or putting it somewhere it would normally have to expend a lot of energy to get to)
5. Gifts (providing plenty of toys and metal stimulation)

Now, everyone, including your cat… need ALL of these love languages. However, everyone has 1-2 primary love languages and that is the one you want to focus the most on.

I know my cat appreciates when I clean the litterbox. She tells me when it needs to be done, and when I go in to do it she goes right then and there before I take it all away! Talk about wanting it spotless…

She will also get in the habit of meowing A LOT if it has been a few days and she hasn’t gotten much attention. A cat can only go so long with following you around and getting ignored because you have other things to do.

I’m girly and I know it, but I tell my kitty how beautiful she is all the time. And I think she knows what I mean. Everyone needs a little praise every now and then, and even though your cat may not speak English, your tone says it all. And that’s rewarding enough.

Physical touch for a cat is usually on their terms. My cat loves snuggling when I watch a movie, and when I go to bed. She also loves randomly being pet when I see her around in the house, or when she throws herself down in the dirt or on the floor to show off how much she can roll. She expects me to be impressed, and to reward her for showing off for me. It’s important to give into these quirks about cats, it makes them feel good and in return, they will make YOU feel good.

Gifts… this is one reason I LOVE holidays with my pets. I always wrap their toys and put catnip inside so they rip open their own Christmas toys. But it’s also important to keep your cat happy and healthy and always look for the newest, coolest toy that you can bring home and reward your cat with. Don’t get me wrong, some will probably be under-appreciated and you might strike out a few times… but when you get one that they REALLY like, you’ve scored!

So take the day and figure out what love language your cat is. I know right now without a doubt, that my cat is quality time. She loves to hang out. Right now as I write this, she is to my left in the room. She just likes being wherever I am. It also means she is more likely to get pet and all the other languages fulfilled.

Especially MY cat. Ninja is probably the worst “socializer” there is.

She hates all other cats on spot. Every other cat is a threat. When she first started going outside here in Florida, when she saw any other cat she was running for the house! If a cat approached her with confidence, her tail was cooned and all her hair was puffed away from her body as she backed up sideways. It was hilarious looking… but she didn’t find it at all funny.

Whenever I take her to my parents’ house, she takes at least a week to warm up to everyone. She starts off ignoring even my parents and hissing at them. She will only take to whatever room we are staying in and no one else is allowed in there. Then she will start to come out and want to socialize and hang out with everyone more and more.

By day 3 she will start initiating contact and games with the other cats of the house (and she is the oldest) but she will stop the games short than the other cats prefer.

It’s pretty funny to watch. Usually by the time we’re leaving, she has warmed up to everything and everyone and wants to stay. There’s no serious fighting, she runs for cover or jumps where the other cats can’t get to.

However, socializing your cat is super important, just like it would be for a child and you and me. It’s a huge part of their personality and you don’t want to have to lock your cat in a bedroom so it can’t claw at your company. So here are some basic tips to get you started in some socialization training!

1. Set all cats involved up for success by making sure food and water is plentiful so there will be no fighting over the best dish.
2. Let the cats choose to approach one another rather than dropping them side by side and forcing them to make eye contact before they’re ready.
3. If you’re worried about brutal fighting between the cats, try “rowdying” them first. Which just means have both of them in separate crates/travel carriers next to each other so they can meet without being able to lash out and hurt one another. This will get them used to one another in a controlled environment.
4. Encourage your cat to get used to and like as many different people as possible so it gets used to other cat smells and people in general, all forms of socialization training are important whether it’s with another cat or with another person.

When I was little I literally gave myself a hernia at the age of 3 because it took ALL my self will to NOT squeeze the living life out of my pets, specifically cats. My mom had the best taste in pound kitties ’cause they were VERY tolerant of me as a toddler. I loved them so much I just wanted nothing more than to hug them as tight as I could! And my mom was there reminding me how gentle I needed to be.

But I was always wanting to cuddle with them and have them WANT to cuddle with me. I found it devastating when they’d get up and leave or never even choose me in the first place. They always chose my mom.

So what did I do? I closed the door to my room and then they couldn’t get away! They had no choice! Well, they chose to wait by the door until one of my parents noticed they were missing. Ouch!

The problem? Not my age or immaturity (though I know those were both going against me) but it was actually me FORCING the cat to hang out with me. How would you like to be forced to hang out with someone and then have them make you do everything they want to do and not give you any say at all? And not just as a “one time” thing either, but it was like that every time you were around them. You would be waiting by the door, too!

I know I would.

Once I got my own cat and grew up a little, I realized that I had to do things right from day 1 and never force my cat to spend time with me. Because of doing that and sticking to it (and avoiding the immediate reaction to snatch her out of the air when she goes to leap off my lap and maybe I’m not quite fulfilled with my quality time with her) I have a great relationship with my cat built on respect and trust. She knows she can come to me and hang out whenever she wants, and she always knows she can leave whenever she wants which makes her MORE LIKELY to come hang out even if it’s just for a short while.

I’m going to compare it to the type of people who won’t let you get off the phone and the type who hear you gotta go and immediately say, “Okay! Bye!” real easily. You’re more likely to call them more often even if you may not have a lot of time because you know it will be no problem to get off the line with them when you need to. Same goes for cats. What if they’re hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, or need to just go to the bathroom and you’re holding them back?

1. Cats always land on their feet – although cats are likely to land on their feet as they fall “feet first” this doesn’t mean 100% of the time they will and be safe in the process.
2. Cats should always drink milk every day – milk is very hard for cats to digest and they should only be given milk on the market made specifically for them.
3. Indoors cats don’t get diseases – even indoor cats can get diseases carried in by other animals in the house that go out, or even by the dirt you bring in on your shoes.
4. Cats cannot get rabies – oh yes, they can.
5. Spaying your cat makes it gain weight – weight gain in cats comes from a bad diet and lack of exercise.
6. Cats have nine lives – nope, just one, but everyone can get lucky.
7. A purring cat is a happy cat – purring can mean other things, too. So be in tune with your cat’s body language.
8. Putting butter on your cat’s paws will help it from getting lost – actually, it will just grease up your floors!
9. Black cats are unlucky – quite the opposite, the real truth is they are lucky so I am counting my luck!
10. Cats like people who don’t like them – now I’m not sure if this is really a myth…

When you bring different ages into affect, the animals aren’t used to it and naturally will be curious and possibly reject the idea at first. But animals who are used to it from the get go will accept new animals nicely.

My family always had both dogs and cats and normally the dogs outlived the cats, but we never had a problem getting another cat and bringing him into the picture because the dog was already accustomed to getting along with other cats. This made it easier if the cat was not, because the dog was never threatening and never gave the cat a reason NOT to trust it.

As the animals get older, they will likely know the difference between a nice cat and a not nice cat. Neighbor cats were often scared of my dogs, and my dogs knew it and would chase those cats (without causing harm) yet they never tried to chase our own. They knew the difference.

And normally the same goes for cats (there are ALWAYS exceptions) but most cats won’t trust a stray dog just because their dog at home is nice. Animals know the difference.

If you are looking for your next cat, please look no further. Either visit your local pound and/or rescue or check online here.

You can find featured shelters, shelters in your neck of the woods and even search by breed, age and gender. You can also select to make sure the cat is cat friendly with other cats, or even kid or dog friendly. I’m positive you will find the perfect pet at any rescue you choose.

These aren’t “bad” pets. I’ve personally rescued ALL my cats in one way or another, even if it was getting it from someone who couldn’t care for it anymore vs. from a shelter. There are too many needy cats out there for you to pay upwards of $500 or more for a cat from a breeder.

Heck, my mom got a long haired Himalayan cat from a rescue that was given up because of an eye infection that took less than a month to cure via medication. The cat is amazing and they named him Simba. He was 6 months old when they rescued him from the shelter and he is still with them today. This is an EXPENSIVE cat that they found at the shelter for a fraction of the cost!

So don’t think you will be passing up your dream cat, you will find one that will steal your heart, just go.